Thematic Elements

I love a good drama. I love a world that is like mine but slightly off-kilter, a world with its own set of rules. My current favorites are House, Sons of Anarchy, Dexter and The Vampire Diaries. And, yes, all of the main characters have, how can we say it nicely? - personality problems. But that is what is interesting. How is House going to solve this case while insulting everyone within earshot? How is Damon going to convince Elena that he loves her while still enjoying the occasional sip of sorority girl? That is just good viewing. The mythology of these worlds and all of the intense conflict that follows is what keeps me tuning in.

I hate a good drama in my real life. Sure, if this craziness was being viewed by a television audience everyone would be on our side and know that we are in the right and that we are the good people. It would just be a matter of which episode will set everything right. Being in the middle of it SUCKS. Not being the author SUCKS. Not having my nephew SUCKS.

My hope for this year is that all of the new drama I experience is confined to the television screen.

Fighting Kindle, Question Mark...

I was vehemently opposed to these electronic reading devices. I might still be. I haven't decided 100%.

I love the heft of a book in my hands. I hate the older, lesser quality print jobs that leave black ink on my thumbs forefingers. I love going book shopping. I hate not finding the book I want and having to wait two weeks for it to arrive because I have to order it online. I love some of the beautiful cover art on some of my favorite novels. I hate some of the tacky cover art on some of my favorite novels. I love having all my books on shelves, they are beautiful. I have packing and movies all my books, they are heavy and cumbersome in transit.

Here is the thing that has made me go "hmmm..." (things that make hmm, hmm, hmm - old school song flashback!);

Jackie told me that you can scroll over a word you don't know and your Kindle will give you the definition. That is the coolest thing I have ever heard even though it comes from what I once deemed a source of evil.

Also, how cool is it to go, "I want to read this book." and then just download it. I could be reading one of the three books I found at the library today (and couldn't check out because I am moving and should be packing instead of reading and, ahem, writing blogs).

My question is... what happens when it breaks? Obviously the books are some kind of file that can be transferred so can they be saved on your desktop hard drive so when one kindle breaks you can load them again on another. I am sure you can, because it would be stupid otherwise. Who wants to lose their personal library every few years?

Yes, I call my books my personal library. And when I have my own house I will actually have a room that is the library that only houses books, comfy chairs and dishes filled with awesome bookmarks so you can always save your place in style.

Anyway, should I keep hating Kindle?

I Have No Clever Title Ideas for this Post...

Incase you were inclined to inquire... I love my current blog background. I believe it will be the basis for my kitchen, when I have a kitchen someday.

Moving back to the place where heat tries to win your affection with persistence. I am not looking forward to that. I am also super sad every time I look at Caleb, Sadie or Sophie. I have been hugging them A LOT. I am starting to think I was right before when I would move but not really try and make friends because now moving back to where my friends and family are means I have to leave my friends and family here. Wah-wah!

Melinda had her baby, Joslyn Joy, and I am glad that I am at least going to meet the munchkin. Rachel had her baby, Lillian Mae, and I am super excited to see that kiddo when I return to the desert.

I know it is the right thing, though, and I am excited to see everyone and I am super grateful for my surprise early trip so I can be there for Christmas. This is obvioulsy a middle of the night ramble. Sorry. I have been a sicko and I am in too much pain to sleep but I am too tired to stay awake unless I am actively doing something. Like blogging nonsense!

Speculative...

Part of building my writing portfolio includes having a spec script written for the three main types of TV shows that are on the air. This means I need to write a script for an already airing hour-long drama, half-hour comedy and half-hour sitcom. Hour-long? Check. Half-hour comedy? Check. Half-hour sitcom...

I don't watch any of the sitcoms that are on right now. I never really have liked sitcoms other than Friends and That 70's Show and both are (lamentably) off the air. I hate the lame and obvious joke setups. Laugh tracks and studio audiences irritate me. Overall, I just don't find them that funny.

But I need to pick a show to watch all the seasons of (to get the tone and back story right) and write a spec. I decided to look up the highest rated sitcoms and pick one of those to do. Guess what they are? The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and Two and a Half Men. REALLY? Two and a Half Men is appalling to me. It makes me like Duckie a lot less. How I Met Your Mother... ugh. Cloying. The Big Bang Theory... I don't hate this show. I don't feel an overwhelming need to keep up with it but I could watch the past seasons and not want to stab myself.

Problem solved, right? WRONG! How am I supposed to write a spec script for that show? I am no scientist. I am dork but not in the way those guys are. Hmmm... idea. Maybe I can write a spec about them being out of their element in a literary world... I love when I get on here to rant and end up with a decent idea. Sweet.

Okay, problem solved.

Shut Eye...

I never have been able to fall asleep with easily without medicinal assistance. And even with assistance it still takes a while and sometimes the medicine doesn't help at all. And when I say never I literally mean that even as a baby I had a hard time falling and staying asleep, especially at night.

I have tried everything. Anything you think of I have attempted. The only thing I haven't done yet is have a sleep study conducted but, to be honest, I really doubt that I will be able to fall asleep with those things attached to my scalp if I can't fall asleep in my own bed when I am dead tired.

Chronic insomnia is a sign of depression, anxiety and fibro so I hit the no-sleep trifecta. It's not all bad. I get the computer (and hulu or blinkx) all to myself if I want it. Yep, that's the only perk I can think of about my rearranged sleep schedule.

Apparently it is pretty weird for your body to reverse cycle so drastically. I have always been a 3-10am sleeper and I can get away with it because I freelance but lately it has been more like 9am-5pm, which is ridiculous. I miss being a real person. So, I will probably have to try a sleep study and get checked out to make sure there is nothing seriously wrong. I don't think there is but, hey, I watch House and you are always supposed to tell your doctor about weird things like this.

This is the part where you think you have a solution for me but you don't. 28 years of this. I really have tried it all. I've tried staying up, I've tried forcing myself to lay in the dark for hours, I've tried warm teas, I'm tried sound machines, I've tried Ambien, I've tried benadryl, I've tried natural sleep aids, I've tried working extra hard all day long to expend energy, I've tried not eating for four or five hours before bed...

I am just a freak. A very tired freak.

Written by Jen...

Those are my favorite words.

A Happy Rant, For a Change...

I am so happy. It all started 29 hours ago (allowing for daylight savings). I grabbed a book that Steph checked out from the library and, in an effort to avoid doing anything I needed to do, began to read about organizing my life more effectively. Yes, I found it humorous as well.

UNTIL IT CHANGED MY LIFE!

There was a quiz that you take in the beginning to ascertain what "brain style" you have. This isn't a "you're a blue" or a "you're a melancholy" or whatever else they have to segregate your personality. This was specifically meant to show you how your brain reacts to the managing of time and, well, stuff.

I have an Innovating brain style.

And then I read the most eye-opening honest 16 pages about myself. It was crazy because there is a mental me (which sounds awkward) but then there is a action me (also awkward). These are terms I have created for this blog. In my mind I know the exact right way to organize my time and efforts to be the most effective, blah, blah, blah.

But the action me (the one that matters) NEVER follows through.

I spend A LOT of my time, every day, feeling like I am a failure because I just don't get you normal people. I don't get 9-5 jobs, I just don't get how you manage to avoid doodling random story lines for three hours every day, I don't get how you manage to be... normal.

Well, what this book taught me is that I am weird. I am completely different than 80% of the population when it comes to what motivates me to get moving and the way in which I process and prioritize.

And that isn't an excuse but it isn't irrelevant either.

So I am embracing my weirdness instead of fighting (very ineffectively) against it. I am the kid in the classroom that understood what the teacher was saying in 5 mins and then spent the next 45 daydreaming about Matt Damon and the movie I was writing at the time. And then I didn't catch the assignment or the second half of second, more complicated aspect of the lesson.

I am the girl who was crazy awesome at every job because the only way to keep myself from crying from boredom was to give myself impossible goals, which I would reach, much to my delight and surprise. And then I'd be bored again. So I wouldn't go. Almost every employer I have ever had has said a version of this to me at some time, "If you would just come to work regularly you would be a supervisor by now." To which I would... quit. Or just not show up. And get fired. Mostly I quit but I have been fired once or twice.

I am the girl that writes blogs at 2am.

BUT I am also the girl who has a million ideas in my mind at every second of the day. I am the girl that forces herself to keep reading the book she is reading even though she all of a sudden has an idea for an awesome story. Why? Because normal people finish the books they are reading. Normal people doing things in order.

And yet...

Now that I have embraced my non-normalcy I am FREE. I was reading a book last night and randomly thought I should write some articles for work. So instead of wrestling with it I just did it. After five articles I went back to reading. Then I wrote 8 more articles. Then I read another book. I also created a more effective binder for my papers and used clippings from old magazines as labels.

It's great. Now instead of allotting five straight hours for work and then not doing it because it sounds awful I allot an hour and a half. I set the timer and when it dings I give myself an hour for whatever time. And when it dings I go back to work.

It sounds schizo to you I am sure. But I spent 7 hours working today, once it is all totalled and I don't feel like it at all. I feel like I had plenty of random-nothing-thought-percolating time. This is very important to Jen's like me.

I recognize that I am SUPER LUCKY because of the work that I do. I am amazed by people that go to work and classes at regular times. It is literally AMAZING to me.

I am just so happy because I have some pretty big things coming my way and I would be a liar-liar-pants-on-fire if I didn't admit that I have been concerned about my ability to follow through. Turns out I just needed to rewire my ideas about what is productive. It sporadic and insane by I wrote $148 worth of articles in that seven hours instead of avoiding.

I am living my uniqueness, as extreme as it is.

It's bliss that the things you need come to you when you stop fighting who you are.

NEW FAVORITE QUOTE (and then I am done, I swear);

"Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and to be that perfectly." - Saint Francis de Sales