Fibromyalgia Beat Down!

I am going to be posting a weekly update of my new and improved health regimen at www.familyhealthynaturally.blogspot.com since I am up here trying to get HEALTHY! As in fighting back against my fibromyalgia because I am sick of sleeping in bed and being in pain.

This plan entails daily ten minute walks, which are supposed to be good for my muscle strength even though it hurts like a mother. I have been assured that it will get better over time.

I will also be eating organic products and a lot more veggies and fruits and whole grains. At some point I will be doing this super awesome 10-day juice fast that I am excited about. The juice is made from all organic produce and is packed with micro-nutrients. It is not a lose-weight-fast it is a pump-your-body-with-real-nutrition-fast.

I will also be trying to ween myself off of all the medications I am on, most of which just mask my pain, and turning to more natural sources for pain management and rehabilitation. As of now this includes using all natural oils to fight those aches and pains I encounter. I can attest that I have had some great success so far. I will also be taking all natural supplements such as pro-biotics to fight my stomach issues and I will be cleansing my body of the excess yeast that is contributing a great deal to my problems.

I know that all sounds hippie-dippy but as someone that has tried chemical medications for YEARS I can assure you that these methods are much preferred, much gentler on the body, and yield results faster and more consistently. I am not rejecting all my medications, nor am I shunning my doctors. I am just looking for a better way to live because what I have been doing for the past year is not living, it has been existing. And while I don't want to stop existing, I sure would love to exist in a happier, healthier state of body and mind.

Therefore, if you are so inclined, you can check out my progress at the link written above. It is also a great site for all health inquiries. There are posts about eating well, about alternative medicine options to keep you and your family healthy, and exercise posts. Otherwise, you can visit me here, at my blog, and read about my travails in writing, pondering, and living, as always. Thanks! Love to you all...

And Just Like That... She Was Gone...

Oh, hi.

Yes, I decided to not exist for a while. Sorry.

Being back in Pot Hole, as one of my childhood friends so loving refers to our home town, has been, well, pretty much what you'd expect from a town that has inhabitants referring to it as Pot Hole. It's not that town's fault. It's hard starting over some place old. Starting some place new is a cinch, for me anyway. Being new is intoxicating. I miss my Provo life (pre-fibro attack) and I miss my Provo friends and, as conceited or misguided as this may seem, I miss the person that my friends there saw. It was nice to, for a while, have a whole group of people that didn't know the bad parts. It helped me realize that there are definitely good parts that are worth acknowledging, even though it is only to myself.

SO... I have been ill. SHOCK! I have been pretty depressed. SHOCK! And I have been not handling it well. I was super nauseated and unable to sleep for a 38 hour period and this occurred directly after a mental breakdown wherein I informed my mom and sister that I didn't know what the point of my life was (don't worry, I believe in an afterlife so I know killing myself is not a viable option).

I was miserable.

It was around 2 or 3 am and I was soooo tired (and still 16-17 hours away from sleep, unbeknownst to me) but I was sitting in the living room with the television on so that I could at least try and be distracted when I suddenly heard Sting playing a lute and singing Fields of Gold, which is a song like a memory to me. It just transports me. I couldn't tell you why exactly but I love it. And then I felt the overwhelming happiness and hope that art sometimes affords us. I just started to cry and I was so happy to be alive. To be able to hear such a beautiful song and to feel such impenetrable joy for those three minutes.

For all there is in life to lament, for all the pain, betrayal, and lack we may experience there is the exact opposite waiting for us somewhere. There is peace and trust and abundance. We just have to remember that when it gets dark and lonely.

GOODBYE BROTHER

This is blog post that Justin put up after I left. I thought that my Justin Draper link was to a defunct site so I hadn't checked it until today when I decided to randomly click on it and see what happened.

What happened was; I CRIED!

Love you Justin and thanks for loving me as your sister;

Goodbye Sister
As you drove away in the car, the kids and I waived goodbye until you were out of sight. I turned around and Caleb said, "Mommy and Jen going to the store." That's when I started crying. "No, Jen is going back home to where her mommy and daddy live. She won't be living with us anymore."

We went upstairs and stood in your room. I told them you were gone. I don't think they understand yet, but they will feel it soon. Steph and I already do.

Jen, you have been a blessing on our home. It helped my wife to have family here. It helped my children to see their aunt and interact with her. It helped me to learn more about myself and others.

Whatever you may think about how I feel and what your influence was this past year, know that it was of God and a strength to all of us. You are a wonderful person and though we know you are doing the right thing by going back to Tucson, we will miss you. Thank you for being a part of our home and our lives.

Your brother

GOOD NEWS!

Tab gets more time with Beto AND we have supervisors that will allow us to be in our homes with him, that will allow him to be with his cousins again and that won't back out of visits because they are pouting and don't comprehend the law or Tab's rights as a mother! It is great. It is just so amazing after months of professionals making decisions based on half-truths and whole-lies told by those that have NO CLUE about what happened because they were ABSENT for the first year of B's life, by their own selfish choice, to have a judge that saw the truth, listened to both sides and made her decision accordingly. We all feel like the vise that has been gripping our hearts since September 4th is finally loosening somewhat. I can't wait to see my nephew without the negative shadow of certain people putting a damper on it! And Beto will be SO HAPPY to be with his family again. Ryleigh already has a count-down calender going for when she gets to see B and Mariah, Bisa, Wynter and Jett can finally actually see him instead of just asking about him all the time and feeling confused. FINALLY A HAPPY DAY!

Kurt and Tina

I have something shocking to reveal and, of course, I chose the Internet as the avenue for its revelation...

I want to be a writer.

Please breath. No heart attacks or strokes, I have enough on my conscience, believe me. Okay, Okay, I guess that wasn't a real revelation unless you have never spoken to me before but if that is the case I am not sure why you are reading this. Hmmm. Food for thought.

I have a few things going against me as far as turning my love of writing (particularly of writing TV show and novels). I am a bit older (not old; older) to be starting a career. I don't have anything that constitutes "professional" training. I don't have any real connections. And I have a long history of dreaming big and quitting early.

But that's okay. Because I love writing and I know that I am good at it. I am better than average. I am better than above average. I am one of the best writers you know, that is how confident I am, because I don't even know all the people you know. But I know I am one of the best writers in the group. And you know I'm entertaining!

My heroes of the moment are Kurt Sutter and Tina Fey. They are both showrunners (Kurt for Sons of Anarchy on FX and Tina for 30 Rock on NBC) and I think they are both brunettes that wear glasses. And that is where their similarities end. Tina Fey started out at Second City the famous Chicago improv club. She started young and she worked her way through the comedy television ranks as a writer for SNL and later as the head writer (which is amazing - women comedy writers are in the minority). Now she is the showrunner for 30 Rock, which is hysterical. I am inspired by her humour, her drive and her intelligence. And her glasses, because I rock them too and I like them!

Kurt Sutter is a very different story. He didn't even try to be a TV writer until he was older. He spent a lot of time floundering in different jobs and being wasted. I know nothing about that... wink, winker. He finally realized that writing was what helped him channel all his "stuff" in a healthy way. He doesn't compromise, he writes what he wishes he was watching and he's conquered his demons and uses them to his advantage. That is my greatest hope for myself. I have plenty of demons, after all.

I think that having role models is important. You shouldn't compare yourself to someone else but having a goal and examples of a person that overcame some of the same obstacles I have faced is almost healing. It fills me with hope and drive and excitement for the future.

So thanks Kurt and Tina. You rock. You 30 Rock.

Thematic Elements

I love a good drama. I love a world that is like mine but slightly off-kilter, a world with its own set of rules. My current favorites are House, Sons of Anarchy, Dexter and The Vampire Diaries. And, yes, all of the main characters have, how can we say it nicely? - personality problems. But that is what is interesting. How is House going to solve this case while insulting everyone within earshot? How is Damon going to convince Elena that he loves her while still enjoying the occasional sip of sorority girl? That is just good viewing. The mythology of these worlds and all of the intense conflict that follows is what keeps me tuning in.

I hate a good drama in my real life. Sure, if this craziness was being viewed by a television audience everyone would be on our side and know that we are in the right and that we are the good people. It would just be a matter of which episode will set everything right. Being in the middle of it SUCKS. Not being the author SUCKS. Not having my nephew SUCKS.

My hope for this year is that all of the new drama I experience is confined to the television screen.

Fighting Kindle, Question Mark...

I was vehemently opposed to these electronic reading devices. I might still be. I haven't decided 100%.

I love the heft of a book in my hands. I hate the older, lesser quality print jobs that leave black ink on my thumbs forefingers. I love going book shopping. I hate not finding the book I want and having to wait two weeks for it to arrive because I have to order it online. I love some of the beautiful cover art on some of my favorite novels. I hate some of the tacky cover art on some of my favorite novels. I love having all my books on shelves, they are beautiful. I have packing and movies all my books, they are heavy and cumbersome in transit.

Here is the thing that has made me go "hmmm..." (things that make hmm, hmm, hmm - old school song flashback!);

Jackie told me that you can scroll over a word you don't know and your Kindle will give you the definition. That is the coolest thing I have ever heard even though it comes from what I once deemed a source of evil.

Also, how cool is it to go, "I want to read this book." and then just download it. I could be reading one of the three books I found at the library today (and couldn't check out because I am moving and should be packing instead of reading and, ahem, writing blogs).

My question is... what happens when it breaks? Obviously the books are some kind of file that can be transferred so can they be saved on your desktop hard drive so when one kindle breaks you can load them again on another. I am sure you can, because it would be stupid otherwise. Who wants to lose their personal library every few years?

Yes, I call my books my personal library. And when I have my own house I will actually have a room that is the library that only houses books, comfy chairs and dishes filled with awesome bookmarks so you can always save your place in style.

Anyway, should I keep hating Kindle?