Chapter the First

I am a blog-tard apparently. I was going to post my first chapter but I couldn't figure out how to do it. Lame, I know. I posted it on FB instead.

I'm Just Blog Machine...

I didn't write about this yesterday because I was so happy to not be in pain that I didn't want to relive it. I still don't. But I would feel ungrateful if I didn't mention the nice staff I encountered at the hospital.

I have gone to the ER twice since I have been here in this town I now live in. The first time was for dehydration because I had been throwing up for a week (bonus - I lost 10lbs). Steph came with me and we had to wait for three hours in the waiting area. Another guy from my ward was there with a busted face (from a ward activity, no less) and he got called back at the same time as I did. We were there for another three hours and I got to explain my symptoms to two nurses, and two doctors. One of those doctors needed me to explain it to him twice. Which is fine. I understand that ER's are full of patients and I was not the worst off by any stretch. What really made it awful was how RUDE they all were. I am sorry I am annoying you with my illness. Maybe you should have gone into Library Sciences, you wouldn't have to deal with as many sick people that way. I vowed to never return.

Alas, my vows are somewhat worthless in the face of pain.

All this past weekend I felt funky and tired. I thought I might have the flu-ish-ness that has been lingering in our home. So I slept. I still felt junky on Sunday and I had a migraine blossoming so I stayed home and rested. I didn't really sleep... I don't generally sleep very easily... but I stayed in bed and read and tried to pay attention to my pain and triggers to keep myself from going to the dark side. I felt I had accomplished this and fell asleep that night without a care.

Until I woke up at 4am.

Searing pain would be a pleasure cruise next to being woken up by a migraine. If you get them then you know how they rip you out of sleep. You are in agony and more than a little confused. For those of you who don't get them let me put it into perspective. I often stare at walls when I am in the middle of a migraine, not because the blank space is soothing (nothing is soothing) but because I am trying to determine if I can gain enough velocity to propel myself head first into said wall in order to knock myself out. And it's not the fear of death or a concussion that stops me. It's the fear that I won't hit that smooth surface hard enough and I will only add to the horror that is now the space above my neck.

Basically, I lost my will to boycott the ER.

This trip was a complete 180! We went earlier in the morning and no one else was there. We got a room automatically. The nurses I dealt with were chipper and kind. And talkative, which isn't a bad thing but it's not really something a migraine sufferer is looking for. Dr. Boyles was quick and concise and he got me my "headache cocktail" right away. It was so wonderful to not feel judged. I hate that I get sick so often and I hate going to the hospital. I only go when I really feel hopeless. Having kind nurses and doctors makes all the difference. He even made sure I had an excuse note for work so that I could sleep. I was hoping I would make it to work since I wasn't scheduled until noon but I ended up sleeping from 9am - 3:30pm.

I guess you can sleep a long while without a migraine wake-up call.

The Shortest Story Ever Told...

Tonight, at dinner, Sadie was trying to communicate with me in her 20-month old babble vernacular that she wanted something from me. So I, having been raised on the faux-wisdom of Oprah and Dr. Phil said to her:

"Sadie, I don't understand your mumbling. Use your words."

To which she babbled. So I repeated myself:

"Sadie, seriously. Use your words."

So Justin tells her:

"Ooh, you better watch out, Sadie. Aunt Jen knows how to use literary devices. Like language."

To which I said:

'Language is a literary device?"

It made me laugh forever.

P.S. I never figured out what Sadie wanted so I distracted her with tracing her hand on my notebook.

6 Month Report

It has been six months since I moved away from the desert. I was listening to a Fiona Apple song today (Better Version of Me) that I used to listen to and feel excited about because it helped me to envision the life I wanted. Listening to it today brought about a lot of the same feelings and I felt both proud and disappointed because I have made some things a reality and others still feel far away. I suppose that is just the way life will always be. I can't imagine a life with no hope and in order to have hope you must have something to hope for, right?

I love my job. It can be dull but I do love it. I am good at it. I recently got a raise (out of the blue) and my boss told me that getting me to full-time was his priority. Today I was given a really big project. It is a huge responsibility and I am nervous about it but also thrilled to have been trusted with it. It is an amazing feeling to know that you are an appreciated member of a team you believe in. This is a part of life that I hadn't ever dared hope for. I thought I'd get a job to pay my bills and be able to write on the side. I never thought I would enjoy my job or that I'd get paid to write all day long.

I love my ward. I have made some fantastic friends that I expect to be in my life from this point on. My ward is very quirky and eclectic but so am I. We have a wide range of ages and personalities and it is just the most awesome place to go and feel the Spirit. I have no doubt that I am meant to be a part of this ward and that I meant to know all the people that I know at this time.

I love my Drapers. They have been so generous in letting me stay with them and eat with them and drive their cars when I need to. I know it is not easy and I know that it can't go on forever but I am so grateful that they love the Lord and me enough to have been so open and supportive with me from the beginning of all of this.

I love my Mom and Dad. They are always available to listen to my nervous breakdowns or send me some money when I am sick for two weeks and have a pathetic check because of it. No one deserved to be loved as much as I am. I know I don't deserve it but I am more than willing to take it.

Things are going well. My goals for the next 6 months are to get my own car and finish the first draft of Betwixt. I may also be moving out but we shall see.

Peter Pan Would Be Disappointed...

I have done a very grown up thing. I have thoroughly researched laptops based on my specific needs and what each one could offer. And price. Because I am not rich. My main requirements are that it not be a dinosaur (not that I don't love my fossilized laptop), that I can write on it and it can hold all of my writing, and that I can watch movies on it (and hulu television, yes, it's so much better than regular tv) and listen to music. Yes, I know, that is what every laptop can do nowadays. I know. But it is all I really need mine to do. I am not a "gamer" and I don't feel the need to download everything I find online. I just need to be able to write and use this as my entertainment center. So I have chosen...

The Dell Inspiron 1545 in Jade Green. Obviously. It is the best quality and the best price for what I need. I have NEVER researched something so extensively - I generally get too bored after the first site and pick whatever seems sufficient. I am excited to get it (in a month once I finally have good paychecks again - stupid illness) and transfer Betwixt to a computer that will not try to eat it.

Also, I really, REALLY do not want to hear if you think I am making a horrible mistake. I understand how some might consider a choice of an electronic device as the equivalent to who you vote for (Barack Obama and, no, I don't feel bad about it) but you aren't going to change my mind, you are just going to annoy me. Also, I don't care how much you now hate me because I support Barack Obama. Toodles (ha, get it? Oh, the cleverness of me. I know Nikki will appreciate it!).

Scribes: TOP IT OFF!

I have discovered a truth about myself that is probably very obvious to everyone else; I love paranormal stories. Ghost stories, vampire stories, weird monster stories. I have read Stephen King since I was 8 or 9. Yes, my parents were paying attention. I guess another element I enjoy is horror or mystery. Not the slasher-like gore that is popular now but a Hitchcock-esque plot structure and some off-kilter situation, be it mental derangement or just something wholly and fabulously fictitious. That is the glory of writing. That is the deep and fulfilling well that is imagination!

I have also figured out why I am so picky about my paranormal/otherworldly choices. You writers need to TOP IT OFF! Yes, certain abnormal events or characters will naturally lead to others... to some degree. Hey, Tolkien created an entire world of weird majesty. But you aren't Tolkien. And Tolkien had a point and a reason for each race and character. Do you? Or do you just feel like adding faeries since there's a talking emu? Stop it! Your story becomes a circus instead of a real world we can inhabit. (Unless, of course, you are writing about a circus, in which case, proceed).

I just finished reading Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger who also wrote The Time Traveler's Wife (which I also LOVE). I love Niffenegger. She takes a very obscure and otherworldly occurrence, something magical and impossible, and then she writes a completely genuine tale in which it is a vital element but not the piece d resistance. It is so beautiful to me that she can make characters, real people, come alive and breath and exist even next to this seemingly ridiculous element. She is the kind of author I want to be. She is concise, she is clever AND she is magical.

Writing Group/Club/Awesomeness... what have you...

I LOVE WRITING GROUP!

I love that it is with two other people that I completely trust to be honest when giving me feedback because I know their level of taste when it comes to literature and perception is an important element to consider when forming a group such as this! I love that they listened and then openly shared what they liked and disliked and articulated what they thought could improve. I love that we did not agree on every point! I love that when I said, "Do you see the balance between such and such possibility?" or "I was trying to describe her, I kind of forgot that part..." they didn't look at me like I was nuts. Instead they said, "Yeah..." and then continued to expand on their opinions and thoughts. I love that their readings were amazing and that I now have even more faith and respect in their opinions because I know that they are true writers as well. It was so helpful. I came home and within thirty minutes I had re-crafted the parts that I agreed with them were lacking and now I have an air-tight 8 pages that I am completely and utterly in love with. AWESOME.

There is no better feeling than knowing you are in exactly the right place, doing exactly what you are meant to be doing. I am blessed to have friends who continue to prove that to me on an almost daily basis. Yea!