Thursday, April 22, 2010

Chapter the First

I am a blog-tard apparently. I was going to post my first chapter but I couldn't figure out how to do it. Lame, I know. I posted it on FB instead.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I'm Just Blog Machine...

I didn't write about this yesterday because I was so happy to not be in pain that I didn't want to relive it. I still don't. But I would feel ungrateful if I didn't mention the nice staff I encountered at the hospital.


I have gone to the ER twice since I have been here in this town I now live in. The first time was for dehydration because I had been throwing up for a week (bonus - I lost 10lbs). Steph came with me and we had to wait for three hours in the waiting area. Another guy from my ward was there with a busted face (from a ward activity, no less) and he got called back at the same time as I did. We were there for another three hours and I got to explain my symptoms to two nurses, and two doctors. One of those doctors needed me to explain it to him twice. Which is fine. I understand that ER's are full of patients and I was not the worst off by any stretch. What really made it awful was how RUDE they all were. I am sorry I am annoying you with my illness. Maybe you should have gone into Library Sciences, you wouldn't have to deal with as many sick people that way. I vowed to never return.


Alas, my vows are somewhat worthless in the face of pain.


All this past weekend I felt funky and tired. I thought I might have the flu-ish-ness that has been lingering in our home. So I slept. I still felt junky on Sunday and I had a migraine blossoming so I stayed home and rested. I didn't really sleep... I don't generally sleep very easily... but I stayed in bed and read and tried to pay attention to my pain and triggers to keep myself from going to the dark side. I felt I had accomplished this and fell asleep that night without a care.


Until I woke up at 4am.


Searing pain would be a pleasure cruise next to being woken up by a migraine. If you get them then you know how they rip you out of sleep. You are in agony and more than a little confused. For those of you who don't get them let me put it into perspective. I often stare at walls when I am in the middle of a migraine, not because the blank space is soothing (nothing is soothing) but because I am trying to determine if I can gain enough velocity to propel myself head first into said wall in order to knock myself out. And it's not the fear of death or a concussion that stops me. It's the fear that I won't hit that smooth surface hard enough and I will only add to the horror that is now the space above my neck.


Basically, I lost my will to boycott the ER.
This trip was a complete 180! We went earlier in the morning and no one else was there. We got a room automatically. The nurses I dealt with were chipper and kind. And talkative, which isn't a bad thing but it's not really something a migraine sufferer is looking for. Dr. Boyles was quick and concise and he got me my "headache cocktail" right away. It was so wonderful to not feel judged. I hate that I get sick so often and I hate going to the hospital. I only go when I really feel hopeless. Having kind nurses and doctors makes all the difference. He even made sure I had an excuse note for work so that I could sleep. I was hoping I would make it to work since I wasn't scheduled until noon but I ended up sleeping from 9am - 3:30pm.


I guess you can sleep a long while without a migraine wake-up call.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Shortest Story Ever Told...

Tonight, at dinner, Sadie was trying to communicate with me in her 20-month old babble vernacular that she wanted something from me. So I, having been raised on the faux-wisdom of Oprah and Dr. Phil said to her:
"Sadie, I don't understand your mumbling. Use your words."
To which she babbled. So I repeated myself:
"Sadie, seriously. Use your words."
So Justin tells her:
"Ooh, you better watch out, Sadie. Aunt Jen knows how to use literary devices. Like language."
To which I said:
'Language is a literary device?"
It made me laugh forever.
P.S. I never figured out what Sadie wanted so I distracted her with tracing her hand on my notebook.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

6 Month Report

It has been six months since I moved away from the desert. I was listening to a Fiona Apple song today (Better Version of Me) that I used to listen to and feel excited about because it helped me to envision the life I wanted. Listening to it today brought about a lot of the same feelings and I felt both proud and disappointed because I have made some things a reality and others still feel far away. I suppose that is just the way life will always be. I can't imagine a life with no hope and in order to have hope you must have something to hope for, right?

I love my job. It can be dull but I do love it. I am good at it. I recently got a raise (out of the blue) and my boss told me that getting me to full-time was his priority. Today I was given a really big project. It is a huge responsibility and I am nervous about it but also thrilled to have been trusted with it. It is an amazing feeling to know that you are an appreciated member of a team you believe in. This is a part of life that I hadn't ever dared hope for. I thought I'd get a job to pay my bills and be able to write on the side. I never thought I would enjoy my job or that I'd get paid to write all day long.

I love my ward. I have made some fantastic friends that I expect to be in my life from this point on. My ward is very quirky and eclectic but so am I. We have a wide range of ages and personalities and it is just the most awesome place to go and feel the Spirit. I have no doubt that I am meant to be a part of this ward and that I meant to know all the people that I know at this time.

I love my Drapers. They have been so generous in letting me stay with them and eat with them and drive their cars when I need to. I know it is not easy and I know that it can't go on forever but I am so grateful that they love the Lord and me enough to have been so open and supportive with me from the beginning of all of this.

I love my Mom and Dad. They are always available to listen to my nervous breakdowns or send me some money when I am sick for two weeks and have a pathetic check because of it. No one deserved to be loved as much as I am. I know I don't deserve it but I am more than willing to take it.

Things are going well. My goals for the next 6 months are to get my own car and finish the first draft of Betwixt. I may also be moving out but we shall see.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Peter Pan Would Be Disappointed...

I have done a very grown up thing. I have thoroughly researched laptops based on my specific needs and what each one could offer. And price. Because I am not rich. My main requirements are that it not be a dinosaur (not that I don't love my fossilized laptop), that I can write on it and it can hold all of my writing, and that I can watch movies on it (and hulu television, yes, it's so much better than regular tv) and listen to music. Yes, I know, that is what every laptop can do nowadays. I know. But it is all I really need mine to do. I am not a "gamer" and I don't feel the need to download everything I find online. I just need to be able to write and use this as my entertainment center. So I have chosen...

The Dell Inspiron 1545 in Jade Green. Obviously. It is the best quality and the best price for what I need. I have NEVER researched something so extensively - I generally get too bored after the first site and pick whatever seems sufficient. I am excited to get it (in a month once I finally have good paychecks again - stupid illness) and transfer Betwixt to a computer that will not try to eat it.

Also, I really, REALLY do not want to hear if you think I am making a horrible mistake. I understand how some might consider a choice of an electronic device as the equivalent to who you vote for (Barack Obama and, no, I don't feel bad about it) but you aren't going to change my mind, you are just going to annoy me. Also, I don't care how much you now hate me because I support Barack Obama. Toodles (ha, get it? Oh, the cleverness of me. I know Nikki will appreciate it!).