You have to imagine Rachel Dratch (from SNL) sitting in a tree, pretending to be Elizabeth Taylor with another comedian pretending to be Michael Jackson for the full hilarity of this blog's title to hit you. Or you have to be Jackie, who was watching that episode too.
I am a weird person. I have always known that I was "unique" and "quirky" but, I am ready to face it, I am just plain WEIRD. I am not saying it's a negative. It just is what it is. And it is odd.
*I like weird books and I read WAY more than is probably considered "healthy." And by weird I mean serial killer/murder mystery/crazy witch/vampire/scary stuff. I love it. I started reading Stephen King when I was 8. I'm a freak.
*I would rather be really cold than have to deal with being the slightest bit warm.
*I am happy to stare at bodies of water for hours.
*I wish I could be a mermaid - I am not kidding.
*I am terrified of being in a plane crash, I HATE taking off but I love having a window seat so I can stare at the clouds and the land below while I am way up high.
*I believe that I will be a published author someday despite the fact that I have yet to complete even one of the 30+ manuscripts I have on file.
*I am 27 and I am not married or anywhere near it and, gasp, I don't care. This is normal for most 27 year olds but for my specific "culture" it is pretty much old maid/spinster territory. Especially the not caring part. I used to care but now, eh, I tried the settling thing. It's not for me.
*I have a hobby that can best be described as Name Collecting. I collect names. I write them down over and over. I don't know why or where it came from but I have ALWAYS loved names. I named all of my Barbies and all of my stuffed animals. Sometimes more than once. I have some really abnormal names picked out for my kids. And I will not put them down because I don't want them to be stolen. I like to be different, can't you tell?
*I know that my eyes are technically hazel but I still call them green.
*I am short and I don't want to be tall. I am pale and I don't want to be tan. I like my glasses and think I might never get contacts or Lasik. I do want to lose weight, I am not one of those happy to be chunky people, but other than that I quite enjoy my visible otherness.
*I read Tolstoy and Us Weekly because I like seeing that being beautiful and rich doesn't make you normal! Maybe when I am beautiful and rich my weirdness will fit in better!
What makes you weird? Come on, throw me a bone people! I know you only have one or two peccadilloes (good for you!) but you can share at least one of them with your freak friend Jen, can't you?
I am a weird person. I have always known that I was "unique" and "quirky" but, I am ready to face it, I am just plain WEIRD. I am not saying it's a negative. It just is what it is. And it is odd.
*I like weird books and I read WAY more than is probably considered "healthy." And by weird I mean serial killer/murder mystery/crazy witch/vampire/scary stuff. I love it. I started reading Stephen King when I was 8. I'm a freak.
*I would rather be really cold than have to deal with being the slightest bit warm.
*I am happy to stare at bodies of water for hours.
*I wish I could be a mermaid - I am not kidding.
*I am terrified of being in a plane crash, I HATE taking off but I love having a window seat so I can stare at the clouds and the land below while I am way up high.
*I believe that I will be a published author someday despite the fact that I have yet to complete even one of the 30+ manuscripts I have on file.
*I am 27 and I am not married or anywhere near it and, gasp, I don't care. This is normal for most 27 year olds but for my specific "culture" it is pretty much old maid/spinster territory. Especially the not caring part. I used to care but now, eh, I tried the settling thing. It's not for me.
*I have a hobby that can best be described as Name Collecting. I collect names. I write them down over and over. I don't know why or where it came from but I have ALWAYS loved names. I named all of my Barbies and all of my stuffed animals. Sometimes more than once. I have some really abnormal names picked out for my kids. And I will not put them down because I don't want them to be stolen. I like to be different, can't you tell?
*I know that my eyes are technically hazel but I still call them green.
*I am short and I don't want to be tall. I am pale and I don't want to be tan. I like my glasses and think I might never get contacts or Lasik. I do want to lose weight, I am not one of those happy to be chunky people, but other than that I quite enjoy my visible otherness.
*I read Tolstoy and Us Weekly because I like seeing that being beautiful and rich doesn't make you normal! Maybe when I am beautiful and rich my weirdness will fit in better!
What makes you weird? Come on, throw me a bone people! I know you only have one or two peccadilloes (good for you!) but you can share at least one of them with your freak friend Jen, can't you?
Oh, where to start?! I am terrified of serial killers, and at night I make sure the knives in the kitchen are in inconspicuous places, rather than out there in the open. Somehow I feel like this will stop someone from coming and hacking me up in my sleep. I also will not go up in the HVAC room at school because it reminds me too much of a setting for saw, or something. In the back of my mind I am convinced that someone will come torture and kill me there. I'd rather suffer the heat than go turn on the air because of that, and my co-workers and students know it (but maybe not the extent). (Sorry, Jen. No scary stories for me!)
ReplyDeleteI am also terrified of serial killers and such but I handle it by constantly reading about them because I think that knowing more will help somehow. It kind of does but I haven't actually been attacked so I don't know that my knowledge will save me. I totally have done the thing with the knives. I also have a compulsive need to check my closets and I HATE coming home to an empty house because I am just sure that someone is hiding and I have to search everything to feel safe. Which is stupid because that is just putting me directly in the path of someone if they are in the house. This actually happened once. A kid broke into our house and I wasn't sure if it was one of my siblings or not so I did the stealthy, I'm-creeped-out walk and opened a door that hit the kid, who I didn't know was a kid yet and instead of running for my life because someone was hiding behind the door I pulled it back to see who it was. Yeah. I am the stupid girl that gets killed in the first scene of the horror movie. He was, like, 11, so I wasn't in any real danger but everyone got all mad at me because I didn't know that it was a little kid and it could have been a giant ogre man with an oozi.
ReplyDeleteI've learned (through advanced scaring tactics of my hubby) that I'm the kind of girl that completely freezes, then screams about 3 seconds later. I would definitely be that first girl to die in the movie. And actually, that knowledge kind of scares me. I mean, I completely freeze. No fight OR flight. I am biologically broken, I guess.
ReplyDelete