High Maintenance

I have had a migraine for about a week and a half. If you have never had a migraine for that long then you have no clue how it hurts. If you have, then my heart goes out to you. Having a pain issue sucks. It has caused a lot of problems in my life. I have lots of trials that I could have been happy without. But it has forced me to learn who I am and who I want to be. It has forced me to realize that those two "me's" aren't always in synch with one another. It has taught me who my true friends are because there are those that just can't accept an illness that hasn't got any visual precursers, unless you count how dismal I look as I try to deal with the pain. I am a high maintenance friend, I suppose. I won't always be able to follow through with plans, no matter how much I want to. In the summer my pain gets worse. I am affected by the heat. I understand if these are things that just don't fit into your lives. But please don't mistake my understanding for an apology. I am not my illness but it is something that I have to deal with and something that you will have to accept in order to be in my life. I just don't have the energy to pedal around it anymore. I have fibromyalgia. I am in pain. A lot of the time. I am trying to live without daily prescription pain killers. That is a choice I have made that makes me physically uncomfortable but it is the right choice for me overall. This doesn't mean that I will never take pain killers again. If I need a shot for pain in the ER and if I need a few pain killers to help my body recuperate then I will take them. Pain pills have a place and a purpose. I just don't want to be on them every minute of every day. I realize this is a rant but I am in a lot of pain and I am sick and tired of feeling guilty about it or that I am inconveniencing others. I am just going to take care of myself from now on. If you get it, great. If not, well I can direct you toward some great reading material and fibro sources so you can understand better. I don't have the energy to explain it any further.