Small Graces, Large Fillings

First, an anecdote...

I have been stressing myself out this week wishing that I could be ready-made and perfect for this job of mine. I love this job, it is interesting enough that I don't notice the time (always a major plus), I find myself thinking about it when I am not there and not in an I-don't-want-to-go-back way, and I do have a comfortable level of creative freedom. My stress stems from the fact that I am afraid my job doesn't love me.

My boss, I'll refer to him as YK, because that is his ID in my inbox so I see YK A LOT, is really supportive and positive and helpful. I am pretty sure he has had management training because he is never accusatory or condescending. Which is great because I am really good at accomplishing those negatives all by my lonesome. Anyway, YK has told me multiple times that he loves my content. The only real criticism I have received was that I should be hitting 5 or 6 reviews an hour. I was only hitting 3 but I have since figured out how and why it was taking me longer. Today I did 11 reviews in under an hour and a half... so that is way more than five an hour.

It's just that this whole week has been plied with new information, mainly the website formatting stuff, and I just felt hopeless and confused. Well, maybe not confused, I understand the directions I am given, it's just not something I have confidence in. Yet. I am very goal-oriented and WAY TOO detail obsessed and that equals frustration when I have project upon project piled on top of me. This is a contributing reason to why I didn't do anything for years upon years.

I am not complaining. I love this job. I am grateful to have gotten it at all. I am more than aware of how low on the skill scale I rank and how bad the job market is right now. I am venting because I am worried that I won't be able to hack it!

Anyway, all of this was twisting in my brain-space as I laid in bed an hour ago without the energy to read or even get up and turn the light off. I have a queen size bed and due to my chronic condition (i.e. laziness) one side is layered with books and magazines that I like to have handy. We are using October 09's conference Ensign in Institute so it was sitting there and caught my eye.

What I am about to write is something that I recognize as lame and am not overly happy to admit to. Okay? No judging! I grabbed the Ensign and said, "The page I open this to better have something to make me feel better about this situation!" How spoiled and awful is that? I wasn't honestly expecting a positive result since that is not an appropriate way to ask the Lord for guidance but I opened it anyway. It opened to page 56 and the first words I read were bolded on the page;

The First Principle: Work

Yeah! I laughed a little and decided to read. It wasn't until the end of the second paragraph that I got my specific answer, provided from the Lord through President Uchtodorf;

"That's the thing about work. If we simply keep at it-steady and constant-things certainly will improve."

I can't begin to describe the comfort and peace this excerpt has afforded me. I know that I am doing my very best and that is enough to get me to where I need to be, so long as my effort is consistent. I am grateful for these simple sentiments and for the love of my Heavenly Father who certainly had no obligation to help this belligerent child!

I don't know if that counted as an anecdote. It was rather long. Also, I don't remember what else I was going to write about so I have no Second. Wait...

Second, the end.

Clever, right?